I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
