The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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