Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
