You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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