So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
