Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
