You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
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You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
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HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together