I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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