youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
I wish you could order shots online.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.