i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
