I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
