It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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