Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So many bounce houses so little time
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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