Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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