That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My vagina just clenched in fear
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