I met the friendliest cop last night
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize