The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
