ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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