Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
