theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
