just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
