areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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