hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
