you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
