i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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