i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
