i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
