M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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