I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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