She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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