i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
