True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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