I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my phone needs a breathalizer
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i think i have two assholes
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
