The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
