If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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