Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
