He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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