hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We have so much sex to catch up on
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
