i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
