Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
