You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
