Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
