I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
