She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
