i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize