I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
