My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
