Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
