I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
