Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
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I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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