she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
