dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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