Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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