wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
