i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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