he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
