evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
