My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
and she was petting her beer can
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
