dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she smelled like a LAN party
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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