Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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