Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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