I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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