Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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