i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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