matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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