I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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