It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
