Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
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